Talking to a friend about their mental health can be uncomfortable, but it’s important. Sharing what you’ve noticed and expressing that you care can help immensely. Your friend might believe their struggles are invisible or that no one cares enough to see them. Many people who’ve experienced emotional distress or suicidal ideation say they sought help because someone reached out. Here are some strategies to help you help a friend.
Notice Signs someone may be Struggling
- Loss of interest in hobbies
- Engaging in risky behavior, such as driving under the influence or unprotected sex
- Changes in behavior, “not acting like themself”
- Missing class, work, or other commitments
- Increased isolation and distance in relationships
- Changes in eating and sleep patterns
- Trouble remembering or focusing
- Mood swings
- Feeling down, angry, or anxious more often; low energy
- Decrease in self-care and hygiene.
- Mania (periods of unusually high energy, mood, or activity)
- Using substances in larger amounts or over a longer period of time
- Having trouble leaving one’s residence hall, house, or apartment
- Threatens, talks about, or hints at harm to self or others
Prepare
Know available support resources, should your friend be open to support. CAPS is set up to support immediate mental health needs or explore additional mental health options on the Heels Care Network.
Plan what you want to say. Think about what you’ve observed. Consider its effect on you and other areas of life that you know your friend cares about, such as school, work, and other relationships. Approach the conversation with genuine care and curiosity about the other person’s experience. Practice what you’ll say to help you feel more comfortable.
Choose a place that is quiet and private. Engaging in a shared hobby can help ease nerves. Play video games together, go for a walk, or share a meal during the conversation.
Having the Conversation
- Be present.
- Talk about the changes you’ve observed using “I” statements. Some phrases that might work for you:
- I’ve noticed [behavior changes]. Can we talk about it?
- I feel like we haven’t talked in a while. How have you been?
- I care about you and want to make sure you’re okay. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.
- I’m worried about you. Is there anything I can do to help?
- Actively listen without judgment. Let your friend take the lead. You don’t have to solve the problem.
- Remember that this doesn’t have to be a one-time conversation. Your friend may not be ready to seek support yet, and that’s okay. Don’t pressure them, and know that even if they don’t change, you didn’t fail or do anything wrong. You can always try to bring the conversation back up again.
- If they are ready to seek support, make an effort to check in and support them throughout their journey.
Debrief and Self-Care
Tough conversations can be rewarding, draining or disappointing. When supporting others, don’t forget to check in and care for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Seek your own support. Have an outlet for your feelings—journal, create art, move, or talk to a trusted friend about how the situation impacts you and potential next steps. Consider talking to a professional at CAPS or another resource if you need additional support.
Continue to make time for activities and people that you enjoy.
Your willingness to have a conversation matters for you, for your friend, and for making our campus a community of care. Thank you – really! – for being open to supporting the people around you.